Someone once asked Matt, "Does 'the one' exist?" His answer was so good, we decided to share it with all of you.
I took this to mean does the one in a romantic way exist, and not does Neo from "The Matrix" exist. To answer the question does the one exist in a romantic way is a tricky one, because I believe that the answer is both yes and no. I know that’s terrible, but hear me out. Do I believe that there is one single person in the entire universe that is a perfect soul mate for you? That you will be desperately searching for that person and if you miss each other then you missed the one and your love live will forever be terrible? No. Love is a choice.
Now there are people who you will be more compatible with - you share common interests, and desires, or you have similar goals and personalities, and that can make the start of a relationship easier. Other things play into that as well, like do you find the other person attractive? Do you like their traits? You won’t like all of them. No one is perfect. But when it actually boils down to making a relationship last and work, it’s a choice.
The love they show in romance novels and romantic comedies is infatuation. There are times when I don't “love” Pam in the romantic comedy way. I'm angry at her, or she has annoyed me or something else. When all that mushy stuff is gone and it comes down to me choosing to love her anyway, that is what love really is.
It’s when you get past the similar interests, the looks and the initial infatuation. When you get down to the dirt and the muck and still choose to love that person - That is where the yes part comes in, because the one is who you make it.
Our culture tells you that you will find that one person who completes you and only that person can complete you, but that’s a wrong way of thinking about it. God completes you. A person can’t do that and will fail to do that if that is what you expect from them. True Love is when both people are willing to sacrifice everything for each other. It’s a choice not a feeling. But if you think that the other person is a cosmic puzzle piece that completes your puzzle; then your thoughts about them are what they can do for me? How can they complete me? What do they bring to this relationship? When in reality a relationship is all about sacrifice. When both people choose to sacrifice for each other, the relationship works great.
We see this in arranged marriages - some don't work out, but many do. When asked, the couples always say that they simple choose to love the person and it has led to a healthy happy marriage. Now if there was such thing as the one like in the movies, what would be the chances that those arranged people were that for each other? And in retrospect, what would be the chances of any of us actually finding our match? The chances would be very, very small. So it might not be a romance novel but it's more. It's deeper and it's more fulfilling to choose love and choose that person to be the one.